and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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