I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
They took my balls.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
