so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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