Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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