I hate all girls vehemently.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i now understand why vodka
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
