yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
