I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
