He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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