so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You are a genius and a whore.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
