Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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