I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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