It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
