My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
