I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
