were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
