my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
