Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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