I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Couch. On fire.
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