I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
