I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
