I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
