Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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