i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
