she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
