Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
