absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
