i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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