She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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