I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
