He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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