There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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