I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
