Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
