remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
