Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
