I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
