Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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