When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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