he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
