I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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