i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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