I wanna bring you to show and tell
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is it because I queefed?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
