i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
