i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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