Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
