i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
