If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
