i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
