Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
