You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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