you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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