meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
why is half of my head shaved?
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